Pro Football Pick'em
Five bald know-it-alls think you can’t out-pick them. Prove them wrong.
01 / The Slate
No spreads. No parlays. No decimal odds to decode. Every game on the week's slate, pick the winner, move on.
0/16picked
02 / The Lock
Change your mind all week. Argue with yourself on Saturday night. The second the ball is in the air, the pick is the pick.
03 / The Rivals
“The family knows best.”
How they pick
Trusts the obvious choice. Calls it wisdom.
The Baldfather respects a decision with history behind it. He does not confuse drama with judgment. Bring him a wild theory, and he sends you home with a lesson.
“The safe choice is so dreadfully dull.”
How they pick
Prefers the choice with a little more nerve.
Old money, older grudges. She has no interest in the safe answer. She finds the overlooked side far more entertaining. Losing with style beats winning like everyone else. She'd rather do both.
“The model has spoken.”
How they pick
Lets the numbers settle the argument.
Runs 14,000 simulations before breakfast. Has feelings about exactly one thing: variance. He does not have hunches. He has confidence intervals. Disagree with his pick and he has a spreadsheet that files you under “rounding error.”
“This one feels just right.”
How they pick
Pure gut and storylines.
Doesn't read the numbers. Reads the vibes: the helmets, the weather, whose turn it is. Picks the team that feels juuust right: not too hot, not too cold. Ever wrong? Constantly. Shaken? Never.
“The favorites must fall.”
How they pick
Looks for weakness beneath the certainty.
Where others see a sure thing, he sees a target. Certainty makes him smile. He doesn't root for a team. He roots for chaos and the pained silence of the confident. When the comfortable choice goes down, that isn't an upset. That's him.
04 / The Standings
Out-score a bald, take a Bald Point. Five on the table every week. Everyone who plays is in one league, ranked on how many they take.
You scored 13. Four of the five behind you. +4 BP
05 / The Wrap
Who you beat, and who beat you.
Your week
12–4
You beat four of five balds. The Baldgorithm got you by one.
